This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
