You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
