everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
