Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
