New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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