Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
