We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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