happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
