Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
