is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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