Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
