I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
