im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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