I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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