If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
