Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
