he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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