you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
