oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
