omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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