3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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