i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
