His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
