Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
