apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
