Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
