Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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