Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
