she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
