If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
