Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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