maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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