i was born a porn star she said
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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