Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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