Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
