That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
