Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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