covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
