If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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