I didn't shave. On purpose
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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