Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
