I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
