Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
