piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
