dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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