do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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