Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
