I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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