There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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