Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
