I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
