it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
