This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
