why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
