I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
