just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
